The Spork of Doom!
by PsychoHaired
Summary: The biggest battle in wizarding history goes a little. . . unorthodox if you will. . . just read and find out!


The Spork of Doom  
  
By: PsychoHaired  
  
A/N~ Written once again at 11:55PM . . . I was bored . . . I couldn't sleep . . . NOT MY FAULT!  
  
Voldemort- I got to kill Harry! The brat! He always manages to escape my grasp!  
  
Peter- Yes master he is most annoying  
  
Voldemort-I needs a plan! A brilliant plan! To KILL him!  
  
Peter- Yes master! A brilliant plan to kill him!  
  
Voldemort- STOP REPEATING WHAT I SAY OR I'LL MAKE NAGINI LICK YOU AGAIN!  
  
Peter- Yes master! I'll stop repeating what you say!  
  
Voldemort- *glare* Now . . . the plan . . . *paces around in circles* I've got it! I'll steal Pandora's . . . nah that'll never work . . . what if I . . . nope did that . . . Maybe if I get . . . nope didn't work the first time . . . what if I take . . . nahh I did that too . . .what if I just . . . dammit it's been done!  
  
Peter- Master may I suggest?  
  
Voldemort- QUIET I'M THINKING!  
  
Peter- *gulps* yes master  
  
Voldemort- Peter! Go get me a Diet Dr. Pepper, a Caesar Salad with extra onions, hold the sauce and don't skimp on the croutons!  
  
Peter- Yes master  
  
Voldemort- Oh, and while you're at it . . . feed one of the death eaters to Nagini . . . I'm putting her on a diet  
  
Peter- *sighs* yea . . .  
  
Voldemort- and get me my blanket! The Spongebob one! I don't want the red one I used it yesterday!  
  
Peter- Uh huh . . . *turns to leave*  
  
Voldemort- *screams across the room* and get me my teddy bear PJ's!  
  
Peter- *cursing under his breath* god dammed master, I fucking hate his guts, the only reason I stay is for that tight butt of his... ... ...  
  
Voldemort- I HEARD THAT!*looks at his butt and pokes it* hey it is pretty tight. . . *Grabs the newspaper and reads the front page* Lord Voldymort has risen once again . . . blah, blah, blah . . .sent the Potter boy to kill him . . . Longbottom kid dies in a chicken pecking freak accident . . . blah, blah . . . shoes at special 75% half off sale . . . . . . . . .WAIT A MINUTE! They've misspelled my name!  
  
Peter- *returns with his demands*  
  
Voldemort- *still rambling* Two fucking years of anagrams for nothing! They can't even spell my name right!  
  
Peter- sir . . . I don't think you should worry about that so much . . .  
  
Voldemort- you're right! They're having a 75% off shoe sale! I've got to get to the mall!  
  
Peter- *sighs* No. They've sent that Potter kid to k-  
  
Voldemort- POTTER! GOD I HATE THAT KID!  
  
Harry- well you're not so likeable yourself either . . .  
  
Voldemort- YOU!  
  
Harry- Me. . .  
  
Voldemort- you are SO dead!  
  
Harry- Funny . . . I thought you were supposed to die . . . Let's duel! *Takes out his wand* Ha! I've been practicing! Prepare to die! EXPELLIAR- *wand turns into a rubber chicken* what the - -! God dammit George!!!!  
  
Voldemort- HA! Face my evil wand of doom! *Wields his spork*  
  
Harry- Dude. . . that's a spork. . .  
  
Voldemort- PETER!!! WHERE'S MY WAND!?  
  
Peter- Getting waxed. . .  
  
Voldemort- And who's the moron who went and told you to do that?!  
  
Peter- You sir. . .  
  
Harry- Right. . . so we're unarmed. . .  
  
Voldemort- In the most important duel of history. . .  
  
Harry- well. . . this sucks  
  
Voldemort- Let's just duel with what we have. . . HIT IT PETER!  
  
*Puff the Magic Dragon song plays*  
  
Voldemort- OTHER SIDE YOU MORON!  
  
*Heavy Metal plays*  
  
Harry- *does two front flips* Bring it. . .  
  
Voldemort- *tries a cartwheel and falls on his face* Oww *stands up*  
  
Harry- FACE THE WRATH OF MY RUBBER CHICKEN! *slaps him across the face*  
  
Voldemort- BEWARE OF MY SPORK OF DOOM! *pokes his bellybutton*  
  
Harry- *grabs Chicken and bitch-slaps Voldemort*  
  
Voldemort- OWIE!!! *pokes Harry furiously*  
  
Harry- NO!!! NOT THE POKING!!! STOP THE POKING!!!!!! *kicks his shin*  
  
Voldemort- HEY YOU'RE CHEATING!! You were supposed to use your chicken!  
  
Harry- You were poking me with your spork!  
  
Voldemort-LOOGIE LOOGIE LOOGIE!!!!!  
  
Harry- O_o. . .  
  
Voldemort- uhh. . . that's my battle cry. . .  
  
Harry- Oh. . .  
  
Voldemort- *charges at him with his spork*  
  
*Wicked Guitar solo*  
  
Voldemort- *stabs The Spork on Harry's forehead*  
  
Harry- *gapes* DUDE! I've already got one scar! I don't need a new one!  
  
Voldemort- haha now you look like a freak!  
  
Harry- WAAAAAHHH!!! *runs around in circles flailing his arms, trips on a rock and falls down the stairs* Argh! *looks at the rock* God dammed rock! *kicks it, window breaks, cat screeches* Sorry Crookshanks!  
  
Voldemort- Aren't you supposed to die now?  
  
Harry- Why?  
  
Voldemort- You have a spork stuck on you're head and I believe that that is a mortal wound. . .  
  
Harry- Oh. . . right *falls on the ground dead*  
  
Voldemort- You got Served! *cocks his head* I DID IT! I'VE KILLED POTTER  
  
Cheerleaders- VOLDY VOLDY HE'S OUR MAN! HE KILLED HARRY CUS NO ONE ELSE CAN! WOOOO!!! *Random kicks and pom-pom shaking* GIMME A V! GIMME AN O! GIMME AN L! GIMME A D! GIMME A Y!  
  
VOLDY!!!  
  
VOLDY!!!!  
  
VOLDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *more random kicks, screams and pom-pom shaking*  
  
*In da Club plays*  
  
Voldemort- *shakes his butt* Yeah baby yeah! *picks up his cell phone * Hello? What? What? Can you hear me now? Good. . . no I don't need more free long distance minutes!  
  
Peter- *staring at a cheerleader*  
  
Cheerleader- What are you looking at *slaps him*  
  
Peter- Oh c'mon baby you know you want me  
  
Cheerleader- O_o. . . *hurls*  
  
THE END!  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own Harry, Voldy or Peter. . . I don't own the spork, the rubber chicken, Puff the magic dragon or 50 cent. . . I don't even own the pen I used to write this. . . I do however own the notebook on which I wrote this . . . and I didn't even buy it, it was a gift . . . thanks auntie! ^.^ 


End file.
